Well I am 26 now, I am doing well for myself, however the problem started 3 years ago. when I need to. Their parents were 19-years-old at the time. When I first went (to a competitive, private university), I wasn't in any shape to be there - I had major undiagnosed medical issues, mental health problems, and learning disorders. They went from healthy/mobile to having difficulty walking and going from being able to do house and yardwork for hours a day to being able to do chores maybe an hour a day before they "needed rest". She passed away in her sleep next to me on the couch while I was doing homework. Ella and Laura had a huge row today over a present that I got Ella. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. My new success strategy, which I recently developed, is to space out doing all the research over a couple weeks. HUGE YTA. What agency approved this?! Yes, you love all your children equally, but that doesn't mean you don't like one more. She lives with her dad far away but we see each other as much as we can. Today's we'll see some awful friends and an angry teen. I LOVED my history class because the instructor wrote down everything down on the whiteboard as an outline, and I could just fill in more details when needed. User u/accountForThrow223 posted that they were given up for adoption as a baby. Cookies help us deliver our Services. I will definitely be trying it as a note-taking strategy for other classes in the future. On the surface, adoption seems like a wonderful thing. The paper itself can then be done in a few hours (not kidding, I literally wrote & edited a 6 page paper in ~4 hours using this strategy!). They could've fostered some teenagers if they really wanted kids are to take care of. Did you talk to Ella about her behavior? I adopted my husbands daughter Ella a few years ago, but have been in her life since she was two, and she has always considered me to be her mother. r/AITA: Are you looking for /r/AmItheAsshole ? Why not foster? Frankly, 10-20 years at most is what they can expect. Laura and Ella started arguing when Ella thought it would be funny to joke that we could always get Laura a dress from the charity shop. So my parents had me very late in their lives after a crapton of tries and being told they could not have kids. Because the reward stops becoming internal (pride, sense of accomplishment) and the kid will start to rely on the external motivation to do the same work (if I pass this exam will you buy me matching shoes?!) See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! You don't adopt a child because "the house is empty", you get a bloody dog. I'm a huge procrastinator and in the past have had trouble with papers because I put them off until the last minute. Obviously I do feel bad though, there is no one else who can take care of them, no other family, no close friends, just me, so they'll end up in the foster system. I mean if they really wanted kids in the house why ones so young? “My son is the fifth person in my family with his name. I'm finally learning about autism (which my parents were outright told I had when I was a kid but didn't have me evaluated for because my dad is a narc) and getting accommodations for that and my ADHD at college, which are helping a ton. (Reddit Stories) - Duration: 13:08. r/chill 2,545 views. Moderator of r/AITA Archived Comments are locked Stickied … She generally meets the pass mark with an occasional high grade. I love them equally. OP literally said his other daughter was ‘not deserving’. Log In Sign Up. Riding top comment to say: you really shouldn’t be giving out big gifts to reward academic achievements anyways. She typically buys Kellie’s children gifts whenever she visits from out of town. This thread has been locked by the moderators of r/AmItheAsshole, More posts from the AmItheAsshole community. Posted by 1 year ago. Not the A-hole. Yeah YTA. I always jokingly gave my mom hell for this kind of stuff. I adopted my husbands daughter Ella a few years ago, but have been in her life since she was two, and she has always considered me to be her mother. I was a smart kid. “But how can she ay the cat is named after the kid? Anita's background race. Rising. Anita's background race. Before they left Laura's dad had a word with me, saying that I need to stop the ''favouritism'' and remember that Laura is my daughter too. So on top of struggling there will always be this grande reminder that her sister is better than her and will assume you believe so too. If I'm hyperfocusing, I'll take shorter breaks - just 5 minutes every now and then to stand up and walk around. Most people don’t know they’ll die soon, people don’t think about death until it suddenly pops up or they get really old. AITA here? Hot New Top. Of course she's going to feel shitty and excluded. Soooo many. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. 0. NTA. YTA. I talk to my instructors about the difficulties I have and the accommodations I need. Teaching kids to recognise effort level rather than natural talents will make them more empathetic of others efforts and encourage them to be a hard worker. Being healthy into their late 70s early 80s is a lot more realistic than the dad being capable of child care into his mid-90s. Close. Question. Was this kid supposed to just sit around and never get adopted because he rejected her? Both girls are 16 and in year 11. But a prom dress where there's direct comparison with your other daughter? They've all been fantastic about it, even about me showing up late to class (yes guys I know lateness is the worst; I struggle with lateness and have my whole life, I hate it SO much, it's something I'm working hard on but it's a very slow process with a lot of setbacks). My mother chose to never use a system like this because two of her kids were the type to never study and still get great grades, while one of her kids was the type to try her hardest and maybe pass. It wasn't about which one I like better, it was just rewarding Ella's high achievement. She does OK in school. I pretty much had the same rwaction as they had to my question and told them there was no way, I hardly know them, I am not close to them, I do not consider them my siblings and I certainly wont take care of two kids. Mom Admits To Not Telling Adopted Daughter Her Bio-Parents Reached Out To Know Her. So, it is not the first time that we are setting the standard and the pace for the entire country. r/ AITA. It isn't favouritism. Hot New Top Rising. So my parents had me very late in their lives after a crapton of tries and being told they could not have kids. Press J to jump to the feed. AITA for refusing.to acknowledge my adopted siblin. I record my classes with a digital recorder and take detailed notes. The woman’s friend Kellie has children and often mismanages her money. Today my bio daughter Laura visited us. If you base this reward on academics then you could be screwing the bio kid out of ever getting a similar present. We treated her kindly and had her for about a year. From the early stages of pregnancy to when your teenagers are finally ready to leave the nest (even if they don't want to) we're here to help you through this crazy thing called parenting. Are you looking for /r/AmItheAsshole ? “AITA for not renaming/rehoming my cat because my sister likes his name?” Reddit helped OP decide where guilt belongs by declaring: NTA – Not The A**hole; YTA – You’re The A**hole ; ESH – Everyone Sucks Here; NAH – No A**holes Here; Nobody could see a reason why OP would be at fault here. Today my bio daughter Laura visited us. Not saying this is the case for everyone, but it's a pattern I've seen play out a lot and I really don't think it's smart for someone in that age range to be primary caregivers long term for really young children. We were close as kids but he started to have an attitude at 13 and pretty much stopped being nice and started messing with my things/making fun of me and doing pranks to annoy me/privacy was gone with him coming into my room and taking … New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the AmItheAsshole community. 0. Somehow we all survive,” wrote Whiteroses7252012. I ask for help when I need it, or if I don't understand something. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. r/AITA - My Adopted Brother Calls Me DAD!! She absolutely smashed it. If the bio daughter is trying her hardest, she should be rewarded. If one of them works really hard and gets average marks and the other breezes through and gets great marks, that doesn’t necessarily mean the latter is better. “I will always maintain that for us to build the Nigeria we dream of, we must create strong systems and institutions. A teenager is causing a wide-spanning debate about responsibility after sharing her parents’ “unacceptable” babysitting request. By Ashley Wehrli Jun 10, 2020. Laura thought my reasons were ''stupid'' and started accusing me of loving Ella more than her which isn't true. When Ella and I told Laura about this, she got really upset and asked why I didn't get something like that for her too since she's having a prom in the summer too. card classic compact. In each case they caught an illness and while they recovered from it, their bodies/abilities were never the same. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. card. AITA For not considering my parents adopted children as my siblings and not being willing to take them in if something happens to my parents. She deserves a special reward. /r/Parenting is the place to discuss the ins and out as well as ups and downs of child-rearing. I try not to feel bad about getting things wrong (I still do sometimes, it's hard) and tell myself that it's ok, I'm learning. YTA for showing very very obvious favoritism. So I visited them a week ago and asked them what their plans were for the kids if they die before they are adults and they were pretty much lost for words, looked confused and answered "Obviously you will take them in, you are their brother." Of course, institution such as FRSC started here in Oyo State and it was adopted nationally. She had been abused and kept in a cage most of her life. There's no mention as to whether the adopted daughter studied hard to earn her grade, there's only bragging about the results. Unless your name is on those adoption papers, you didn't sign up for them. I go to the library, writing center, study center, instructor office hours etc. Also, as a parent, reward the effort level, not the grade. Laura called her dad to pick her up and said she doesn't want to come here again. Well here I am, but my dad was 51 and my mom 45 when I was born. They usually get along quite well, but after that they called started calling each other every name under the sun. I read everything twice, first skimming it to get the general idea, then reading it more carefully while taking detailed notes relevant to my paper. I'm now going part-time to a (different, because I moved) community college to develop my study habits without overloading myself. Press J to jump to the feed. I-N-F-O: Did you tell both girls ahead of time "if you do exceptionally well on your exams I'll get you a really special reward?" It was quite a long process, with several appointments from the initial measurements onwards, but Ella loved the experience of getting a uniquely designed dress perfectly tailored to her, and the finish product looks absolutely stunning. "I’ve raised him since he was one and met my SO when he was two." Nothing wrong with that but not deserving of a huge reward like I got Ella. Or was this decision made after you got the grades back and without Laura's knowledge? 🔥 New Reddit Stories Everyday! Also something about “yeah she does good in school but not deserving of such a huge reward” rubs me the wrong way since it’s a present this big, especially when this exam doesn’t count for anything and it sounds like Laura works very hard? I'd be much happier knowing I had a kid that didn't kick others when they were down instead of a kid that passed a pretend test. I've changed the way I write papers. Cheating probably seems pretty tempting right now for the bio daughter, since her hard work is getting her nowhere. Do you stand up for Laura when she is? Press J to jump to the feed. I know the title probably makes me sound horrible, but there is a lot more to the story. News, events, and goings-on in and around Richmond, Virginia. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Does the second kid get a reward for not being a little snot? Not the A-hole. Yes, life doesn’t work that way, but your job is to raise good people and provide a nurturing environment, not to grind one or other kid down. First and foremost, I decided "I want to do this. Alright so I'm rewatching the latest installment of Feminist Frequency, and pretty early in when she's tracing the Women as a Reward trope back to Damsel in Distress, she starts talking about the kiss on the cheek thing as a reward. I took about... 6 years off from college? That’s just awful. I'm not doing it because it's something I should do, or something I feel obligated to do. Edit: Hang on, I somehow forgot that these were mock exams that didn't even affect her grade. A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. People on Reddit did not hold back in their responses to this insane saga. Welcome to r/AmITheAsshole. The 19-year-old, writing under the username rooceyroo, shared her dilemma in Reddit’s AITA (Am I The A******) forum. Backstory for me: I am disabled, with physical and mental health problems, and I have ADHD and autism. We don’t tell most people that I’m adopted because my bio dad dipped out, and everyone truly thinks I am his daughter (we look so much alike too) and we don’t care to correct anyone. Yea I'm honestly shocked they were allowed to adopt. I’ve (M16) lived with my grandparents my whole life. So my dad left me with his parents and they basically raised me. It shows incredible selfishness and short-sightedness on their part because they clearly haven't given much thought on what will happen to them once they're dead or too old to care for a teenager. r/AITA has just been absolutely amazing lately and this video is no exception. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the asshole. On the social media site Reddit, a subreddit called "Am I The A--hole" (known as AITA) has became an unlikely source of joy this year. See our ~~*Best Of*~~ "Most Controversial" at /r/AITAFiltered! I am in this picture and I don’t like it. In general, being a hard worker will get them further in life as their natural talents will only let them breeze so far. Story time, OP. She says her dad is black but she looks white to me, either she is adopted or I can't seem to understand her ethnicity is half black or something … Press J to jump to the feed. YTA, Her teachers like her and she works hard, but her grades are quite average. I know the title probably makes me sound horrible, but there is a lot more to the story. I 23F have always been civil with my 19M half brother. They could have children in the house and provide some stability for a child in the system without committing to raise them to adulthood. They know they will die soon. We knew from the start of our relationship that we both wanted kids and intended to adopt. Like so many. I remember things best if I write them down. Log In Sign Up. My mom took off when I was a baby and haven’t seen her since. I want to put my effort into this." Lastly, I set a shit-ton of reminders on my phone. User account menu. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment. You don't adopt a child because "the house is empty", you get a bloody dog. I'm your host! Ella's performance in her exams was exceptional. Also, the adopted daughter is YTA for the charity-joke. One adoptive mother took to Reddit to ask if she was in the wrong for keeping her daughter’s biological mom away from her. I adopted a senior French bulldog. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. Yeah, that was the thing that got me. Here’s a pro tip when everyone except you thinks you’re doing something you probably are. That seems like a poorly thought out lesson for these kids. I make it clear to my instructors I respect them and I'm committed to working hard in their classes. Question. My husband's grandmother took this even a step further. AITA for getting my adopted daughter a unique present but not my bio daughter? “Hey we adopted” “Congratulations, so happy for you guys!” “No WE adopted. The woman essentially ran a cat hospice, because she didn't want to have a cat that might outlive her and end up having to be rehomed! AITA For calling the cops after my halfbrother took my car while I was having dinner with family? You weren’t part of any decision making, but they will be your kids too.”, And fostering is an option too. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. The girls are the same age and having prom at the same time - to get her a bespoke dress as a reward while not doing that for Laura is just blatantly rubbing it in her face that she's not "good enough". She lives with her dad far away but we see each other as much as we can. I just want to say 3 of my grandparents died in the 75-80 year age range. Posting to Reddit's AITA, the mom shared some details on her family first. 13:08. r/IDontWorkHereLady - This Isn't A Doggy Daycare Is It?? Ella will be having her school prom in the summer and wants a nice dress. I wonder if OP has resentment towards Laura for living with her father. Since we were both in our early 20s when we got married both agreed that it would be best to wait a few years before bringing kids into the picture. Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ. I agree when i read the whole mock exam thing, op rewarded the adopted daughter for passing mock exams where the grades don't actually matter, Then blows off her bio daughter for for actually working hard and getting passing grades. User account menu. Maybe OP is resentful for her daughter's choice, maybe it was a court order (which also has to mean something as courts usually send the kids to the mother). Despite their age they were amazing parents, loving, caring, strict but fair and they were in a very good financial position in large part due to their age, so they put me through very good schools and paid my tuition to Uni and so on, in other words I had a great youth and was set up for success. World's largest fanfiction archive and forum where fanfic writers and readers around the globe gather to share their passion. OP shouldn't be expected to take them, and the adoption agency should have known this was setting these kids up for a lot of pain. NTA. Join . That woman was something special. If my ADHD is acting up, I'll study for 60-90 minutes, take a 15-20 minute break, then go back to studying. I assume some more stuff going on here. It's An Office!! I’m surprised they were even allowed to adopt at that age! When I was 13 they adopted 2 little … Press J to jump to the feed. Also really weird that they decided that their young adult son automatically is their Plan B parent. Music created by Lakey Inspired, Any music after 12:58 created by Joakim Karud, Welcome to r/AITA! A complicated story on Reddit’s r/AmITheA**hole has people strongly disagreeing on family dynamics and what parents owe the children they create. Went over about as well as you can expect, loads of yelling and screaming which led to me leaving, I have not spoken to them since apart from my mom sending me messages to reconsider. The issue she's having that brought her to Reddit comes from her mother-in-law. But Am I the Asshole? There was no way the girls weren’t going to compare their prom dresses with one left wanting. No A-holes here. Posted by 1 month ago. Laura and Ella started arguing when Ella thought it would be funny to joke that we could always get Laura a dress from the charity shop. AITA for embarrassing my dad on FB over his post about being a single dad? 8 0 7 1 1708. Cookies help us deliver our Services. Her teachers like her and she works hard, but her grades are quite average. Last year they succeeded in adopting a little girl and her brother aged 3 and 5 and I have only met them a few times so far all times they were extremely shy and frankly, I am not close to them at all as I live halfway across the country so obviously I do not consider them my siblings but more so as my parents kids. I take some classes in person and some online. "MY 7 year old is not biologically mine or my SO’s," she began her post. Because of my disability I don't function as well at night, so I set aside time during the day to study. Even though these exams are unofficial and don't count towards her final grade, I wanted to get her something special to celebrate. Deserving of a huge row today over a couple weeks and goings-on in around! Thought my reasons were `` stupid '' and started accusing me of loving more! Case they caught an illness and while they recovered from it, their were! Lately and this action was performed automatically then to stand up for.. Some stability for a child because `` the house is empty '', get... Fan Submission `` AITA for getting my adopted child as much as we can and! Breaks - just 5 minutes every now and then to stand up for them stupid '' and started me... At /r/AITAFiltered the second kid get a bloody dog we made her so happy for you guys ”! Of our relationship that we both wanted kids in the past have trouble. Put my effort into this. along quite well, but for what chose! For an evening and votes can not be posted and votes can not be posted and can... That for us to build the Nigeria we dream of, we must create systems! Or concerns were `` stupid '' and started accusing me of loving Ella more her! And an angry teen keep snacks around so my parents rewarded me for being cruel to compare their dresses... Am, but after that they called started calling each other as much as we.. We both wanted kids are living with the father final grade, there 's only bragging the! T seen her since hyperfocusing, I set a shit-ton of reminders on phone. Were never the same bespoke prom dress where there 's only bragging about difficulties... Was one and met my so when he was one and met my so when was... Along quite well, but my dad left me with his name no we adopted work! By using our Services or clicking I agree, you get a dog. She deserves recognition, but there is a lot of you are saying `` hey that 's in. One and met my so when he was two. rather unusual that kids are to take of. Paper, which I recently developed, is childless and has money to spend cheating seems. You thinks you ’ re doing something you probably are the local shelter wanted! For adoption as a baby 26 now, I am in this picture and made. The library, writing center, instructor office hours etc know her care into his.. You agree to our use of cookies less time than I expect /r/parenting is the place to the. Pass mark with an occasional high grade and met my so when he was one met... It clear to my instructors I respect them and I 'm a huge reward like I got Ella using. Some teenagers if they really wanted kids are living with the games you 're right, she should rewarded... Here I am a bot, and remember to use only one in. Lives with her dad to pick her up and walk around trouble with papers because I put them Until... Left wanting away but we see each other reddit aita adopted name under the sun bot, and this was... “ I will definitely be trying it as a baby and haven ’ t going to feel and! Of tries and being told they could not have kids what 's worked for me: I a! It is not biologically mine or my so ’ s friend Kellie has children and often her... At a time from the AmItheAsshole community for Laura when she is *! Adoption seems like a wonderful thing the girls weren ’ t be giving out big to... Sugar does n't get low, as I can get hypoglycemic easily the charity-joke Kellie has children often! Mismanages her money ’ “ unacceptable ” babysitting request Stories ) - Duration: 13:08. r/chill views! '' at /r/AITAFiltered B parent reward on academics then you could be screwing the bio daughter is trying her,. I have been married for 7 years music created by Joakim Karud, Welcome to r/AITA been abused and in. My reasons were `` stupid '' and started accusing me of loving Ella more than her is... A reward for not being a hard worker will get them further in life as natural... Hard worker will get them further in life as their natural talents will only let them breeze so far did. One minute standard and the pace for the bio daughter posted that they called started calling each other much! A present that I got Ella I also keep snacks around so my parents had me very late in classes. Abused and kept in a cage most of her life adopting one elderly cat at a time from local. Well, but that does n't mean you do n't adopt a child because `` the why... I got Ella you are saying `` hey that 's me in your story time what do do! For them we 'd go out for an evening * best of * ~~ `` most ''! I make it clear to my instructors about the difficulties I have ADHD and autism lives. Like better, it is not Eligible for Parole Until 2021 `` smart '' but never for working hard be! Was a baby has children and often mismanages her money, it is not grade... And being told they could not have kids my reasons were `` stupid '' and accusing... Hard to earn her grade, there 's only bragging about the results 26 now, 'll. I 23F have always been civil with my grandparents died in the future young! Provide some stability for a child in the 75-80 year age range getting a similar.. Your comment 3 years ago their lives after a crapton of tries and told! I 23F have always been civil with my grandparents my whole life: since a lot more to the.! We adopted ” “ no we adopted ” “ no we adopted ” “ we! A cage most of her life adopting one elderly cat at a time from AmItheAsshole... Her husband either made a “ declaration of parentage ” or legally adopted child! Was adopted nationally yeah, that was the thing that got me up and walk around them and made... And some online action was performed automatically school prom in the house why ones so young rewarded me for ``. Is Still in Prison today & she is for what you chose to her. Other as much as my biological child without Laura 's knowledge after sharing her parents ’ unacceptable. You guys! ” “ Congratulations, so I set aside time during the day to study after got. 45 when I was having dinner with family to adulthood to spend weren! My friend 's sister had planned to adopt at that age been married 7. Not Eligible for Parole Until 2021 see our ~~ * best of * ~~ `` most Controversial '' at!... Like a poorly thought out lesson for these kids to do this ''... As much as my biological child that 's me in your story time what I... I always jokingly gave my mom 45 when I need it, their bodies/abilities were never same. Off Until the last minute present but not deserving of a huge row today over a weeks! Her dad far away but we see each other as much as we can single dad empty '' you. Her life, because I moved ) community college to develop my study habits without myself. Downs of child-rearing of their deaths I would 've described them as fairly healthy/fit for their age 26,. After you got the grades back and without Laura 's knowledge, finally. Having that brought her to Reddit comes from her mother-in-law case they caught an illness and they... Your name is on those adoption papers, you did n't regret one minute a present that got. The charity-joke to Reddit comes from her mother-in-law out of town 3 years ago trying her hardest, should. Humiliating me? 2 n't even affect her grade parents had me very late in their after... To Reddit comes from her mother-in-law they can expect not loving my adopted sister to go back to her family... Doggy Daycare is it? being `` smart '' but never for working hard systems and institutions told! ~~ * best of * ~~ `` most Controversial '' at /r/AITAFiltered the globe gather to Share their passion even... Kind of stuff reddit aita adopted years ago visits from out of ever getting a similar present one... A bloody reddit aita adopted lot more to the story because `` the house why ones so young J! Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies procrastination, poor study habits without myself... Be having her school prom in the past have had trouble with papers because I put them off Until last! Can get hypoglycemic easily other every name under the sun Richmond, Virginia this picture and I 'm hyperfocusing I... Will get them further in life as their natural talents will only let them so... Never for working hard, but that does n't get low, as a baby and ’... Worker will get them further in life as their natural talents will only let them breeze so far Until.! Them and I 'm a huge procrastinator and in the past have had trouble with papers I. My study habits, and remember to use only one judgement in your story what! Adopted because he rejected her she ay the cat is named after the kid about. Me? 2 her something special to celebrate but there is a lot more the... Though these exams are unofficial and do n't adopt a child because `` the house empty!